Do you think going on dates is only something unmarried couples do so they can decide if they are “right” for each other? I have news for you! If you are married, date night is more important after you say “I do” than it is when courting.
If you and your spouse don’t already enjoy regular date nights, you want to read this! Date night changes marriages for the better and can reignite your wedded bliss.
My name is Dr. Lonnie Bryant, and I have been helping couples rekindle their marriages for over three decades. With the tens of thousands of couples, I have helped, I can tell you one of the most marriage enhancing things you can do is add date nights to your lives.
What is date night?
First things first. It doesn’t have to be at night. You can have date days too!
Basically, a date night (or day) involves planning something fun with your spouse. It means you carve some time out of your busy schedules to spend time enjoying each other—outside the presence of your children.
The idea is to reconnect and have fun with your spouse that doesn’t involve interruptions from kids, work, or other obligations—including your cell phone.
You heard me right.
For the best date night experience, turn off the phones!
Preplan Your Date Nights
Another important aspect of date night is that you preplan it. So, if you go out for pizza on a whim, it doesn’t count. Spontaneous time together can be great too, but it doesn’t give the same feel as a real date.
You want to anticipate it.
It should be something you look forward to.
A preplanned date allows the sense of leaving the ordinary behind. If you want to make it special, consider being adventurous. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Do something you don’t normally do. And dress up for it.
Make Date Night Routine
How often you experience date night isn’t as important as how you experience it. Quality is more important than quantity.
Still, it is a great idea to try to schedule a date night experience once a week. For some couples, this may be difficult, especially those with children. But it is worth the effort. And a stronger marriage makes better parents!
But remember, while you want to spend quality time together, it doesn’t have to be expensive. And if planned right, some date nights can be at home.
If babysitting is a problem, find another married couple who has kids and offer a swap. One night you and your spouse go on a date while the other couple watches your kids, and the next night they go on a date while you watch theirs.
Studies show that married couples who enjoy date nights regularly improve their marriage and make it stronger in five important ways:
- Improves communication
- Encourages intimacy
- Builds stronger commitment
- Adds a sense of novelty
- De-stresses life
Date Night Improves Communication
When you spend time with each other and remove distractions, it opens your communication abilities.
What will you talk about while on dates?
Discuss future goals, trips you would like to go on, and dreams you’ve never shared with each other. Ask about something great that happened during the week.
Couples who don’t regularly communicate may find it hard to think of things to talk about. If you think you won’t have anything to share, preplan some topics. Try a Google search for communication ideas and write a few of them down.
And don’t worry, it will get easier. The more you exercise your communication muscles, the better you will get at it.
Date Night Encourages Intimacy
How is the intimacy in your marriage? Has the erotic spark you once shared taken an extended vacation?
Time, children, stress, work, chores, and responsibilities can wreak havoc on the physical and emotional expressions of erotic love.
Romance can revive it.
Adding romance to your date nights let your spouse know your intimate connection is important to you.
Date Night Builds a Stronger Commitment
When you spend intentional time with your spouse, it builds attachment and encourages a satisfying relationship. The more quality time you enjoy together, the more you tell each other, “I choose you.” And when your spouse lets you know they choose you, it allows you to feel your spouse’s commitment.
As you share experiences and take time to cherish your relationship, it fosters the sense of being a couple and adds to your feeling of “we-ness” rather than oneness.
Date Nights Bring a Sense of Novelty
Think back to before you were married. Did you have fun when you were dating? What was it like when everything was fresh and new?
Going on dates help you get out of the “rut,” where everything seems usual. Couples who have married for a while can get too “settled in,” and they end up taking each other for granted.
Did you know that the lack of novelty and fun in your marriage can be toxic?
Bring back the experience of different and fun by finding new ways to spend time together. Or reminisce about fun dates you enjoyed before you were married by doing them again.
Date Night Helps to De-Stress Life
Couples who regularly date maintain an intimate connection and share emotional support. This lowers stress levels in the body, and it also lowers the stress levels in your marriage.
In addition, the time and attention you spend on each other pays off when stress is high, such as during a disagreement.
When you invest in each other, you become true friends who are solidly loyal to each other. This makes it easier to enjoy day-to-day life together, even when things aren’t going exactly as you want them to.
20 Inexpensive Date Ideas
- Pack a picnic together and enjoy it at a park
- Fly kites together
- Go for a walk, hike, or bike ride together
- Movie night at home with microwave popcorn (after the kids are in bed)
- Drive to a small town and walk around the downtown square
- Give each other a message
- Camp in the back yard and make smores around the grill
- Bake some goodies together
- Visit a public garden
- Walk a nature trail
- Enjoy a museum together
- Go for a drive to see things like Christmas lights, autumn leaves, or wildflowers
- Go bowling
- Feed the ducks at a pond
- Go roller skating or ice skating
- Go to the airport and watch planes take off and land
- Go fishing
- Walk around a mall and window shop
- Find a greeting card section in a store and share your favorite ones with each other
- If the weather ruins your date plans, go for a walk in the rain or have a snowball fight!
Call Today to Schedule Your Free 20-Minute Phone Session
Is your marriage is struggling? Are you interested in turning your “alright” marriage into a thriving one? I can help!
If you are in the Fort Worth, Keller, Flower Mound, Roanoke, or HEB area, call (682) 365-2099 today to schedule your FREE 20-minute phone consultation.
